Love, Loss, & Growth

I considered not writing this post, because it’s still hard to think about & talk about & I feel so vulnerable. BUT I’m coming upon a year (on Friday to be exact) of the biggest heartbreak I have experienced, & I thought it was time that I share more about the relationship & how I deal/dealt with the loss of someone so important to me, in hopes that someone else can resonate & feel maybe just a little bit better 🙂 

I never really talked too much about my relationship here because I didn’t (& don’t) want a relationship or another person to become my identity. I think too often some people are so involved with their significant other on the Internet that it becomes all people associate them with. I’m not putting them down because there are so many cute, healthy relationships that make me go #goals & believe in love again haha. But I don’t want that. At least not right now. Because I’m 21 & if there is one thing I’ve learned at this stage in life, it’s that people change & leave you & it hurts like heck & I don’t want to be reminded of them on every corner of the Internet. 

I met him in middle school. Funny thing, my dad actually coached him in basketball & I remember thinking he was sooo cute. Little did I know that years later he would become my best friend, boyfriend, first love, & then a complete stranger. 

Fast forward to high school just a couple of years later & we ended up being in the same friend group. He was crushin’ on me hard, but I was so excited that there were boys actually paying attention to me that I didn’t pay much attention to him. But we hung out together with our friend group & started texting & flirting. He became one of my closest friends & was always there for me through a few relationships & all the boy drama I put myself through. He asked me out a few times before I said yes… the rest is pretty much history. 

We share the exact same birthday. He is literally only about 3 hours older than me, & through some digging we found out we were actually born in the same hospital!! Pretty crazy. I don’t think it was coincidence though. We were pretty much meant to be from the start.

Our relationship wasn’t easy. In high school, we didn’t get to see each other a lot, which put a strain on the relationship. Family relationships & typical high school drama didn’t help either. Then we both went to separate colleges about 2 & 1/2 hours away. Long distance FaceTime calls & infrequent weekend visits consumed our relationship & lives.

But despite the bad, there was so, so much good. He taught me so much. Not only how to drive stick shift (or at least he tried to lol), but that people’s opinions don’t matter that much. Friend & family relationships always come first. It is possible to build an ice cream cone bigger than your head. He taught me how to snowboard, the first & only time I’ve been haha. He showed me that romance isn’t dead, & there’s nothing a large pizza & an episode of “The Office” can’t fix. 

Eventually, we started to drift apart. I broke up with him on July 12, 2018. And it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Not only because I still loved him so deeply, but because I hurt the one person who I never thought I would hurt. 

I didn’t know what to do. I had to get used to a new normal without my person. I felt guilty about being sad about a relationship that I ended. I felt misunderstood & lost. 

No one tells you how to fix a heartbreak. It will be scary. It will be hard. It will hurt. You’ll be confused. Mad. But my oh my, will you GROW. You’ll have more time for yourself & the things that make you happy. You’ll build stronger relationships with the people you do have in your life. You’ll grow in your faith & begin to understand the real meaning behind, everything happens for a reason. You also might scream the lyrics of “Truth Hurts” by Lizzo & cry yourself to sleep, but again, no one tells you how to fix a heartbreak.

It’s hard to summarize a 3 & 1/2 year long relationship. There were lots of downs, so many ups, mistakes, & many lessons learned together. But because of it, I am better, stronger, more confident, loving, romantic, understanding & compassionate. I can confidently say that although the relationship didn’t have the fairy tale ending I always dreamed about, I would never change a thing. And I hope he can say the same. 

Chic of the Week

Hi guys! I’m back with more ootws!!

I wore this outfit on my first day back to classes on Monday! I decided to layer because it was actually a little bit cold. I’m a huge fan of denim jackets because they are easy to layer & lightweight, plus add a cute touch to any look! I paired it with a white sweater & dark, distressed jeans. I got pink Vans for Christmas & I’m so in love! They are the cutest thing. I’m channeling my inner skater girl 😉 hahah jk! But fun fact! When my brother & I were younger we would ride our scooters on our back patio & “jump” from the patio to the gravel. We thought we were SO cool. I can imagine if 8-year old-skater me would’ve had style, it would’ve looked a little something like this!! 

But yeah, I started school again this week & I want to CRY. School just stresses me out so much, but in 2019 we are staying happy, positive & stress free 🙂 And good luck to all my other college friends starting classes again! 


Shop this Look: 

H&M Knit Sweater

Zara Oversized Denim Jacket

Skinny Z1975 Jeans

Vans Old Skool Sneakers

 

Podcasts I’m Loving

Good morning guys & happy Monday!

I thought I would share my favorite podcasts with you guys today. Some Monday motivation! I like to listen to podcasts on the podcast app for iphone, but there are also some great ones on Spotify! I like to listen to them while I’m getting ready or cleaning around the house.

I never used to be into podcasts, until I started listening to What We Said by Jaci Smith & Chelsey Curtis. They are soo funny & real. They are both in their young 20’s & super relatable. I find myself smiling when I’m listening to them because it reminds me of my friends & I when we’re together. They talk about all kinds of topics, from young relationships, body image, social media, health, motivation…

Another fave of mine is The Influencer Podcast. I have only listened to a couple episodes, but I have learned so much! If you’re an entrepreneur or want to learn more about the work that gets into running a successful business or being an influencer, this one is perfect! 

 Gals on the Go is another podcast by a girl who’s about my age, so it’s super relatable. She also just so happens to be one of my favorite YouTubers. She is humble & so down to earth, so I love listening because I value her opinion! 

Young, Dumb & 21 by Joey Kidney is so funny. He pretty much says whatever is on his mind & it gets pretty real, but relatable. 

Last but not least, I really like listening to the Joel Osteen Podcast. The sermons are short & sweet, but I haven’t found one yet that I haven’t related to in some way or another. I try to listen to a couple every week & take time to just slow down & listen. 🙂 

What’s your favorite podcast? Send me recs in the comments below or DM me on social! 

with love,

jazz

Be Your Own Best Friend

Freshman year of college I had to learn how to be my own best friend. I struggled to find a close group of friends, as I think most people do. I went through a couple of friend groups & at one point I definitely thought each group was going to be my squad. But I quickly learned that people drift away & you’re left with only yourself & maybe a close few friends if you’re lucky.

At first I felt sad & sorry for myself because everyone else seemed to have their “people”. And while I do enjoy my time alone, night in & night out it got really lonely. It made me miss my boyfriend, who lives 3 hours away, even more. I thought about transferring too many times to count first semester. I spent all my time in my dorm room. Jim & Pam became my only friends. I ate all the time because I was bored & the freshman 15 started to feel real. I missed my family more than a college student probably should. I was just sad. 

Once I stopped worrying so much that I was missing out, or forcing myself to hang out with people that I didn’t really like, my life got so much better. I realized that nothing was going to change, & I wasn’t going to make close relationships if I just stayed in my dorm. So I got up, got out & took time for myself. 

I went to the farmers market. I discovered new coffee shops. I went on walks & discovered parts of my city I never new existed. I talked to strangers. And SURPRISE! When I stopped trying so hard to find my “people” they kinda just found me. Now I happily have a solid group of friends that I am sure will be friends for life, while also knowing myself so much better. 

It really all comes down to self love & taking care of yourself first, making yourself happy. I was looking to other people to try to fill this loneliness void, & while other people can certainly make you feel less lonely, they only will temporarily. You have to discover yourself to be able to have quality friendships, & to know what you want in a friend anyway. I know it sounds cliche & cheesy, but I’m telling the truth! If you’re feeling lonely or lost in your friendships, take time for yourself & see how your social life transforms.

This post isn’t to complain or make you feel sorry for me, but I hope it makes you feel less alone because all of us go through this at some point in life. And it’s totally ok to hang out by yourself. I still haven’t gotten to the movies alone, but I just might. 🙂 

What’s your favorite thing to do when you have time to yourself? Let me know in the comments or DM me on social! 

with love,

jazz

Why & How I Started Blogging

Hey guys! I’m backkk. And better than ever. 😉

I took a little break from posting, kind of on accident, kinda not. I have been super busy & distracted with my new internship so I’ve been off track with posting. But I wanted to give you guys a little background on why I started blogging in the first place. I published my first post on May 8, 2017. So here I am now, a year later, & I’m ready to reflect. 

I have said this before, but I’m going to say it again, because it’s super relevant & the whole reason I started blogging in the first place: I love writing. It’s my form of stress release & really fun & rewarding. I have kept a journal since I was probably about 10. It’s funny to look back & read my entries because I wrote, “I heart Justin Bieber” on every single page, hoping that would magically translate into him discovering me & loving me in real life. Alas, that didn’t happen, but I kept writing & still journal (most) every night. I mostly write about my day, but a lot of times it’s just about what’s going on in my life. It’s kinda like my Burn Book (Mean Girls reference to those of you who are uncultured) in a way too, because there are many entries that are solely about one person & what they did to make me mad/sad. hahaha. 

This post isn’t about my journal though. It’s about how my love for writing & expressing myself through words, got me to where I am today. If you had asked 10-year-old me if I planned to go to college for journalism & start a lifestyle blog, I would’ve been like uh no, where are my ponies though?

When I entered college, I began to see so many people have hobbies turned side hustles. My roommate my freshman year actually had her own YouTube channel, & was/is very successful. I wanted to write for a magazine once I graduated & had an interest in fashion, recipes, working out… lifestyle stuff basically. I had a lot of free time my freshman year because I didn’t have a ton of friends, & didn’t work because I wanted to get adjusted to school first. I was following so many bloggers & influencers on Instagram & I started to wonder if I could do the same thing.

Second semester freshman year is when things started to happen. I got connected with a guy who had a side hustle & recruited me to help him with it. It was a blog of some sorts that talked about fashion & culture in Phoenix. I told him how I thought about starting a blog, & he was all for it. While it was my decision to start one, he really pushed me & motivated me & gave me the confidence to go for it. For that, I am forever grateful. Because while some may think I’m a super outgoing extrovert because I put my life out on the internet, I am actually the opposite. I am quite an introvert & it’s hard for me to put myself out there because I fear the judgement of others & failure. But once I had the push, there was no stopping me!!

When I first started my blog, it got a lot of attention because everyone was super excited to read it, & I was excited to post content. But eventually it slowed down after a couple of months. I’m not going to lie & say there hasn’t been days where I wonder why I’m even doing this. It is super frustrating to create content & write long posts just to realize I’m not getting a ton of views. But I remind myself daily that I’m doing it because I love it. And that’s honestly all that matters. 🙂

One day, I hope to turn my little slice of the internet into my career. Brainstorming & creating content, attending special events & working with brands & others is so fun to me. I love the creative industry because everyone is willing to help each other out, because we’re all in the same boat. Everyone I meet is so cute & nice!! I love helping others, so it’s literally a win-win. 

There are days when I don’t feel like posting. There are days when I question why I put my opinion out in the world so anyone can read it & hate me for it. There are days when I wish Instagram didn’t exist, & there was no such thing as the internet. But at the end of the day, I am so, so grateful I went for it & created this blog. It has become my identity & I am so proud of it. I can’t wait to watch it grow & look forward to all of the opportunities that will come with it. Thank you to each & every one of you who has ever read my posts, took my blog pics, liked an Insta pic, collaborated with me, & encouraged me. I want to help YOU & give YOU something to look forward to, so your support is everything!! 

with (lots of) love,

jazz

Pros & Cons of Roommates

Having roommates is a huge part of college; I’ve been blessed to have wonderful roommates so far, but not everyone has! Going into my third year, I couldn’t decide if I wanted to live alone or keep living with roommates. I decided to have roommates because it kinda just worked out that way & I’ll be living with my best friend from high school so I’m super excited for that!! 

When I was trying to decide whether or not I wanted roommates, I had to think about the pros & cons. I tend to think things through A LOT, probably when I don’t need to, but I put a lot of thought into the decision. I decided to tell you guys about my experience living with roommates to help you guys out! I know it’s not an easy decision & living alone can seem really intimidating. So here’s the thing…

Pros: 

  • Built in best friends

College is so much better when you have people you can go to! After a long day, I always enjoy coming home to talk to my roomies or hang out with them. 

  • Low cost

Living with roommates will most likely bring down the price of rent. The more people pitching in, the less each person has to pay! 

  • Study dates

Chances are, your roommates will also be in college! Studying with them is a great way to get things done & enjoy time together out of your busy schedules.

  • Cute clothes

Okay, this is definitely, probably the best part. You literally have a bunch of other closets to shop in!! I know that my roommates & I swapped shoes & clothing all the time. We are each other’s personal stylists & there’s nothing better than that! 

Cons:

  • Messes 

Okay so before I get too far in, you must know I am a neat freak. Everything must look & smell perfect all of the time, so living with other people is tricky for me sometimes because not everyone is the same way! I may be OCD about it, but it can be hard to live with people that don’t value cleanliness as much as you do. I suggest making sure 1) you live with people who are somewhat like you in terms of cleanliness/messiness & 2) make a chore chart!! It helps to keep people accountable & avoids anyone feeling like they are doing too much of the work. 

  • Pettiness/Drama

So this is basically a given with any friend group. Everyone is going to have differences & sometimes those can just boil up & explode! It’s tough to live in an environment where you don’t feel welcomed, so when drama arises, it can have a big impact on your life because you are literally seeing these people every day. Since it is inevitable that problems will arise, just try to talk them out as soon as possible. It basically is the same as any relationship; the sooner you talk it through, the better things will be in the long run! Although there may be hurt feelings & some hard days, just try not to let anything ruin the friendship. And if all else fails, just be nice lol.

Living with my froomies (friends & roomies) this year was AMAZING. We had so much fun together whether it was watching The Bachelor, planning a party, making dinner, or getting boba (our bodies are 90% boba, 10% coffee at this point). That’s not to say we didn’t have problems & hard days, but that’s just a part of relationships in general! My advice is that you find some people you literally can’t live without 😉 & enjoy the experience. College is the best time in life to have roommates, so do it while you can! I have never lived alone, so I can’t speak for that, but I hope this post helped you think it out a little more!

Do you have any roommate horror stories? Let me know in the comments or DM me on social! 

with love,

jazz

P.S. *Actual picture of me & my roomies being cute. Love you guys ❤

Inspiration

I am one of those people who has had many passions throughout my life. When I was younger, I went through a horse phase, & then a gymnastics phase where all I wanted in life was to go to the Olympics. I put my heart into everything that I do. I would spend hours reading horse books & practicing a back walkover on the wood balance beam my dad made for me. Now, my passion is this blog. I want to make it something big, & I work at it everyday & spend hours on Pinterest reading up on the “do’s & don’ts” of blogging, which is the equivalent to horse grooming books back in the day.

The problem is, sometimes I’m just not inspired. Take this post for example; I planned to write it this weekend & have it be really long & awesome, but it’s Monday morning & I’m just sitting down to write. I always want to be honest on my blog because people love honesty & that’s the only way to build a real “fan” base. So the truth is, sometimes I don’t want to. 

Staying inspired can be hard, but I’ve learned the best way to stay inspired is to be original. The moment you try to copy someone else, you become totally lost in who you are & what your goals are. It’s hard to copy someone so closely. But it also helps to follow people on Instagram or Pinterest who you admire, & befriend people who share the same passion as you. It’s important to have friends & people in your life that understand what you’re going through. I can’t stress this enough!! Make sure you surround yourself with people who inspire you & make you want to push yourself harder, but never compare yourself because you aren’t them & you are on your own journey. (SO CHEESY I KNOW.) This applies to everything in life, not just hobbies. It can be your major, or fitness, or even a relationship. 

I really don’t have a quick fix for feeling down or uninspired, but these are the things that help me. As college finals are getting closer, I know a lot of students (myself included) really start to stress out. It can definitely be a time where it’s hard to find motivation let alone inspiration. But remember why you started. You are doing this for you & you love it, & if you don’t love it, well you need to change something because life is too short to hate your life every single day. Staying inspired is so much easier when you love what you do & who you are.

How do you stay inspired? Help a girl out & comment below or DM me on social! 

with love,

jazz

The Baked Bear blogging event

Hey guys!

This week’s post is a little last minute… but I think you’re going to love it!

On Friday, I went to a blogging/media event at the new Baked Bear in Gilbert! One of my blogger friends whom I go to school with, invited me to come & I was stoked, because obviously, FREE ICE CREAM. We spent some time wandering around downtown Gilbert before going to the event & I never realized how cute it was! There are so many picture opportunities & lots of murals. Also, lots of cute restaurants! We went to a fish taco place & it was super yummy. If you live in AZ or are ever visiting, it’s a must-see!

The event was for local Arizona bloggers & media to come & try the ice cream & then talk about it! (This is why I love what I do so, so much.) I had been to The Baked Bear before & it never disappoints. It’s an ice cream sandwich shop where you get to build your own! They have cookies, brownies & sometimes even donuts for the “bread” part, & then all the different ice cream flavors you could imagine! I’m honestly such a kid when it comes to that stuff & always choose something like cake batter or cookie dough, but they have basic flavors & more sophisticated flavors too. They have toppings as well, & you can have it heated up, which I always prefer because it makes it a little easier to eat because the sandwiches are huge!

The new shop is located in SanTan Village in Gilbert at: 2206 E. Williams Field Rd. #118. They have shops located all throughout Arizona.

This event was a great reminder to me about why I do what I do. Some days I get really discouraged & comparison starts to creep up on me & I feel like I’ll never get to where I want to be. But this is a reminder to pursue your passions & reach out, put yourself out there, because sometimes the best things come of it. (like free ice cream) 😉

Check out my cutie friend’s blog at tressesandtulle.com & her Instagram Catherine Hathaway. She was the one who invited me after all!! She takes really cute pics & has such a sweet personality 🙂

with love,

jazz

*all photos courtesy of Catherine Hathaway & Jaslyn Ravenscraft

Finals Week Prep

Guess what week it is? The worst time to be alive for college students – finals week! Whether you have five finals or one, this post is for you: The hard-working, stressed out, so-over-it college student. Here are my tips for surviving finals week:

1.) Location

Studying is never fun, but it can be better if you’re in a relaxing spot. My personal favorite is the library or outside.

2.) Materials

Make sure you have all the books, highlighters & study guides you need! It sucks to get to your study sesh & realize you don’t even have what you need.

3.) Comfy Clothes

I’m talking fuzzy socks, cardigan, leggings, & a bun. Casual, studying-super-hard aesthetic.

4.) Snacks 

Or Starbucks. Or both. I get really hangry & sometimes I need to just keep working & can’t stop to eat so a quick break with a snack can help motivate me to finish.

5.) Music

I listen to my Spotify Coffee Table Jazz & currently, Christmas music! But whatever helps you focus & keeps you relaxed…

Good luck on finals!! And remember, you are more than your GPA 😉

xo,

jazz

Back-to-School Supplies Haul

Probably one of my favorite parts about going back to school is shopping for new school supplies (other than buying new clothes which ~hopefully~ I’ll have a post about soon). I love the smell of new pencils & blank paper just waiting to be written all over & smeared with tears (at least in my case!!) It’s so fun to personalize your stuff & pick out your favorite notebook colors. I don’t know about you guys, but it truly gives me more motivation to study when my stuff looks cute! Ya know, so you can take a studious snapchat & then continue to procrastinate… 😉 Anyway, every school is different & I’m in college so my school supplies is honestly limited because a lot of my work is done on my laptop. But I will give you guys a list of what I do have in case you need some inspiration/motivation!

  • 3 ring binder, with dividers & folder
  • 2 spiral notebooks
  • No. 2 pencils
  • black pen
  • highlighters
  • sticky notes
  • big eraser
  • headphones
  • laptop

What’s your favorite part about going back to school? Let me know in the comments or on social media! Have a good year & remember, your GPA does not define you 🙂

xo,

jazz